Up and Down and Up and Down and Up and Down

In the past two weeks, one of my online friends got a referral for her BEAUTIFUL baby girl in China and is waiting for her trip date.  Another online friend, may be bringing home a baby boy on Monday to foster.  Another online friend, after suffering from infertility gave birth to two "perfect" babies but at 21 weeks gestation, they were not able to survive.  A real life friend was just about ready to give up on adopting when she was matched with a wonderful birthmother.

And so goes the journey of infertility.  It's not fun for anyone and it doesn't matter how good your news is.  You will always remember those tears and it's still surprising to say but you will cherish every tear, every heartbreak because all of it brought you to your child.

My online friend, Tanya, who got the referral for her little girl, Molly, in China still, STILL! has to wait at least 8 weeks to go get her.  Can you imagine seeing a picture of a living, breathing, BEAUTIFUL little girl and being told that she was yours but having to wait months to go get her?  You are missing every night rocking her to sleep and waking up every morning to that pudgy little belly.  You are missing sweet little giggles and YES you are even missing those toddler tantrums.  Every day away from her seems like a million years.

My other friend, Dani, has been dealing with an unbelievably slow homestudy.  Really.  Unbelievably.  Slow.  But, it turns out, that she was waiting this long because a sweet little boy was born just this week and will need a home next week.  Guess whose homestudy is finalized today or tomorrow?  Guess whose going to bring that sweet baby home next week?  Every day she will have with this baby will be a blessing to both her, her partner and this baby.  She will only hope that he's there forever but accept the fact that she may only be able to love him one day at a time.

My online friend Melissa was so crazy happy when she found out she was pregnant.  When her levels were skyrocketing, we all teased her that she was going to have multiples.  And then she had her ultrasound where she saw two beautiful embryos growing.  She was beside herself with gratitude and couldn't believe she was having a boy and a girl.  Who could ask for anything more?  Sadly, she gave birth to Justin and Madelyn at only 21 weeks.  They were just too little too survive.  Melissa and her husband spent a lot of time with their babies and took many pictures but will only be left with memories of a very short life as parents.  It seems so unfair to want so badly and to lose all you've dreamed of in just one breath.

My real life friend, Katie, got the call today that completely changed her world.  She and her husband were waiting for a match and it was taking a toll on both of them.  WHY weren't they parents already?  WHY couldn't a birthmother choose them.  WHY did they have to wait so long?  This morning, she completely connected with a birthmother over the phone.  Both of them knew this was IT.  This was the person they had both been looking for.  Katie gets to see her baby for the first time next week during the birthmother's ultrasound and if all goes as planned will be the MOMMY of a baby girl sometime during the first week of August.  One phone call.  30 minutes.  Can you hear me now?

Many of us have multiple heartbreaking moments (the day we found out it wasn't going to be easy for us to have biological children and the day we lost our two children in Russia).  Some of us have multiple joyous moments (for me they were the day we got the call about Sasha and the day we were chosen by Eliana's birthmother).  All the heartache of infertility.  Every tear.  Every test.  Every scream.  Every second spent in misery.  It all comes down to just a moment.