Wait! Did you say 45 minutes?

L., our social worker, called this morning. We were in Vegas all weekend and got back late last night. I picked up the dogs this morning and I put my pj's back on when I got home. She called and this is our conversation:
L: Since you and Matt are both home today and I don't have any plans, how about I come over to do your homestudy? I can be there in 45 minutes.
Kristi: Uh. Uh. Uh.
L: I know what you're thinking. Your house doesn't have to be clean. (Obviously, she doesn't know Kristi K. very well. Does my house have to be clean? Well, let's just say this...Do dogs bark?)
Kristi: Uh....how about one hour?
L: Ok. I'll see you then. Bye.
Kristi: Bye. (I hang up) MATT!!!!!

Fortunately the house was fairly clean but I had to clean up a lot of clutter, clean the bathroom, and take a shower. Then I had to look presentable for a homestudy. Our future children depended on her approval.

She arrived on time. She was in her "play clothes"! She took a quick tour of the house and then sat with us for about 45 minutes and educated us about adoption. That's it. We're done with our homestudy. We still have to get physicals and submit our "Life Reports".

I just knew this was the agency.

I talked to O. today from our AGENCY.

(They are located in Boca Raton, Florida. I found out in all my research that it doesn't matter where the agency is located because everything is done through email anyway!)

Within 5 minutes of talking to her, I knew this is the agency we were going to use. Matt and I are always good about shopping around for important things like this (contractors, painters, car insurance, etc.) but I told him to just trust me on this one. Again, I felt this in my HEART.

O. was very excited that we were interested in older children. Can you believe there are price differences? It just seems so weird to be talking about how much a child costs. I know it's necessary in adoption but it's just so sad.

Oh my!

We have decided to adopt from Russia. We have also decided that if we are going to bring home children who need a family, that we should adopt older children, children who are less likely to be adopted. But wait! There's more! We have decided to adopt 2 children! Everytime I think about it, my heart beats a little faster.

Can you believe that Matt actually wants 2 children at once?

We've chosen our social worker. She actually lives about 5 minutes from us! That was pure coincidence. Oh, by the way, we each have to write an at least 10 page "Life Report". I spoke to one agency the other night and I couldn't wait to get off the phone with the pompous *you know what*. I'm going to call another agency tomorrow.

It's not supposed to take over your life.

We left the doctor's office today with 4 prescriptions and a weekly schedule for bloodwork and ultrasounds. I was so overwhelmed because he gave us more hope than we originally anticipated.

When I called mom to talk to her about it, I kept going back to adoption. I think I told her that in my heart, I wanted to adopt. I got back to school and called dad. I did the same thing, kept talking about the reasons for adoption. But in the back of my mind, I'm worried that I might regret not trying to get pregnant.

I called Matt and I asked him how he was feeling. He said he had been getting excited about adoption and I realized that was what my heart was telling me. Having children is supposed to be an exciting journey. It shouldn't be painful or sad. It shouldn't cause feelings of regret or anger. We want to be parents. I want to be a mom. I can be a mom to any child. He/she doesn't have to come from us.