Not a lot of people like to talk about it but it's a really important part of adopting. Part of the adoption paperwork is a questionnaire about what "kind" of child you want. Some questions are simple: Boy, Girl, Either but some questions require a lot of research: What medical conditions are you willing to accept? I think that most parents, adoptive or biological would answer "a beautiful, healthy child who will never EVER talk back to us or write on the walls with permanent marker. One who is respectful to everyone all the time. One who will become successful and happy and live close to home but not AT home and one who will provide us with lots of grandchildren who are just like them".
When does that happen? NEVER! Eliana is smart and beautiful and healthy but for some reason wrote the letters, in marker, "F H" (in very good penmanship I have to add) on the FRONT of the playroom door. Not sure what 'F H' means nor do I really want to know. Sasha is also smart, beautiful and healthy but mumbles under her breath and rolls her eyes every single time I tell her to take a shower or brush her teeth or wash her hands. She apparently hates good hygiene.
Writing on doors and good hygiene are not characteristics any parent gets to pick. As adoptive parents, we do have to think about a lot and it's hard to be honest with yourself because you might miss out on an opportunity. Some parents are waiting for a gender specific child. Some parents are waiting for a caucasian or hispanic or African American child. Some parents are waiting for a birthmother who is healthy and doesn't use any drugs. But as hard as it may be to specify what we want, it basically comes to do the fact that we are all waiting for the child who was Special Ordered for our family.
We got ours! Eliana does look like me and Sasha TOTALLY looks like Matt. We didn't ask for that specifically but that's how our family came together. My children have issues just like any other children in an any other family but I know for sure that they were meant to be MY children.